"If you have good thoughts
they will shine
out of your face
and you will always
So breaking news, I'm going back to NYC for a weekend at the end of the month to photograph an event! Super cool opportunity and something I'm so grateful for. I can see my family, kiss my little nephew, meet my adorable newborn cousin, hug my mama, and eat a Shake Shack Burger. All things I'm looking forward to. But there's something that made me doubt whether or not I should even take the job. I think I have leaving Paris anxiety. It's idiotic even writing it. Poor little Katie, leaving Paris to fly to NYC for a weekend. boohoo. But wait, this is something that I have nightmares about. (This is true, every so often I wake my love up in an utter panic during the middle of the night just to make sure he's there and we're in France.) I'm so incredibly scared that one day I'm going to wake up and my life here won't have existed, my Frenchie will be simply a silly daydream and Paris and my photo business will be 3500 miles away never to be seen again. To me, this is my worst fear. The loss of my love and life's work so far.
This must be the good life. That life that you work your butt off for, when you have put all of your eggs in one basket, when the only form of transportation you have is a leap of faith.
And you take it.
And then you land.
Not on your feet,
a few of your eggs are cracked,
but you land,
and learn how to pick yourself back up, tend to the little cracks, ignore your bruises and count your fingers and toes.
There's a lot of work still to be done but the most important thing is to realize that you may have already made that leap, made the decision to do something, be something, create something. The good life isn't a finishing point, it is a state of being, of growing. It's something you're scared to hell of loosing. The good life definitely has bumps in the road but how will you ever learn to get up if you've never fell? Have faith in yourself, in your abilities as a person, a parent, a teacher, a construction worker, a doctor.. No one can believe in you more than you can believe in yourself so do it.. say you are living the good life and live it. Remember, we are everything that we give out, so instead of defeat, emit determination, instead of doubt, exude sunlight and instead of indifference, emanate passion. Live your life in a way that your terrified of even losing it in your dreams.
(Photos are film scans from personal archives around Paris and Ile-de-France)